Sebastiano Spurio

Faith...will it prove stronger than love?
Current mood: catalyzed
Category: Life

  If my life had granted me a wish upon my departure from Buffalo... It would be to erase myself from all of your memories.

             Please do NOT take this as an insult...
 
I have witnessed everyone in my life and made sure none of you have come to any mortal harm.  The thing is though, the pain (emotionally) everyone inflicts upon each other is shaming and often intriguing (not good coming from me). 

                        I have waited for the rebirth of all of you, many I am seeing a bloom come over your souls, others a bitter corpse of a heart do you hand to the people you "love".

            I see you though, ALL of you. A never ending hatred...an impossible love, why must you all differ from each other IN ORDER to find LOVE!!!

              Hating others with others does NOT instill love into your heart, trust me.

 And a message to my love... Waiting for you? A possible year without any contact from you will prove more than difficult. 

                       I am coming down from this view of all of you and turning my tired mind towards the west. My life lays there in wait, either to teach me my dreams are not to be (and move on to another goal), or to become something great, noble, and yes, even powerful.

                       I only hope all of you stay true to each other and remember the love I would NOT take back, no matter what you took or tested me through.

                                        I love you ALL.  Remember my love, that is all.

                       -Sebastiano Spurio

p.s. If the time came when I did have power, would any of you sacrifice your happiness in order to aide me in changing the world. (Mind you I'll probably get shot. lol.)

8:28 AM - 5 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

An announcement...
Current mood: awake

 
 This is a formal apology to Jimmy, not because of what happened so much as, what I've done. I disrespected him, though not intentionally and with no direct harm inflicted to him.  I had meant to use the stunt as a trump card when I left to INSULT Jimmy's mom. I'm under a TREMENDOUS amount of stress, I can't sleep and my life is struggling to stay afloat, with no help.  Just a few friends I've talked to.


                                             This is still no excuse.

 I (was) at a point where I stopped caring about my well being, and it's my belief it started when Jimmy was around, so he got the first batch of my fuck you brownies...I have things happening now where my life will be stable again. I can only hope it stays well, and that I can get my old friend back.

                        Pertaining to Brenda, she is one of the few who never needed my aproval to take care of me... And she did so. I love her and can't be with her at the same time. Again, no excuse, but still, in a time where nothing made sense, what would you have done? What does anyone do? Turn to the only person in your life you can cry in front of and not feel bad. She is strong (yet stubborn), but I'm the same. I would just like to say, if it wasn't what Brenda had told me in the Attic that day, you may have not heard from me anymore, and I say that with all sincerity.

                             Thank you for listening, I'll be around later. (Life under construction)

                                       -Seb

p.s. Jimmy I love you, you pale fuck.

11:00 AM - 1 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment

I will wait for you...
Current mood: calm

 I cannot dream of you.

 I have lost the breath you gave me.

You were more than I could imagine...

                                                               ...and you still are.

 I am waiting for you. I live my life in solitude now, enjoying the peace of a man's mind who is RESOLVED in what he is doing. I know this is what you wanted but could not ask for.  To be away from me. To find yourself. To accomplish what you believe will set you free. I respect that, and you.

                                        Believe that I still love you, and know that if you but say my name, I will be by your side.

                                I love you so much, God save me for the mistakes I made with you, good bye for now.

                               I believe in your promise.

2:32 PM - 1 Comments - 2 Kudos - Add Comment

This is my curse.
Current mood: crushed
Category: Life

         My curse.

         An endless game of conspiring hatred.

        I burn so you may drink of this clean pool.

        I wait as I am stoned by ridacule, lost and untouched by those who only understand my uses...and not my loves.

                I am no fool, I am a Monster. A Monster who can only love and protect those I never understand, yet understand why I need to protect.

          I have but one gift given to me by your written lord. The ability to tear apart those I WISH to be destroyed. I am your true rage. I am your instinct to kill. The grit iron feeling of true hatred. I am your burning thoughts, the fire you wish to stoke, and the force with which to strike.

                                 I am no man. I am a Monster.

Raised...Bred...Fed...Evil. And I reject myself in the name of love.

                            I believe in love...

                            And because I believe...

                            I will suffer...

           I will protect those who are hunted for their honesty, and believe when I say no god, nor devil will pass through my venomous gaze. I will destroy your enemies and the things they cherish. Heed my promises...fore they will be kept.

                                This is my curse. And this curse is my guiding light...

6:59 AM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Courage.
Current mood: ashamed
Category: Life

  I walked away from a woman being beaten today.

  The man had an issue with the way I was glaring at him.

  He barked the normal crap as I started to walk toward him in his car.

  But I saw the girl in the car.

  I paused.

  If I beat him to death as was my intention.

  Or even if I got beat up.

  The man's renewed frustration would be taken out on her in the end.

   No matter what I did in the end.

   I had no power to stop what I swore would never happen again.

   I swore as long as I lived.

   Yet I did the right thing.

    For her at least.

   The truth is all I ask from those who read this.

8:39 PM - 3 Comments - 4 Kudos - Add Comment

Loss...
Current mood: ashamed

   I have looked to the star's,

 wept to your constellation.

You fill me with yearning and loss.

I have fallen in the snow to my knee's, ripped at my chest in agony.

Bleeding from my lip's the promises I wish to keep.

I stare numbly as the snow blanket's my blackened form...

Ice creeps up my skin I cannot feel, pulling me to sleep.

My blues lip's part again..."Is this what death feels like?"

A nothingness...A fading pulse from a dying black stone heart.

I have dreamt of angel's whisking you to me, sweet angel's such as you've never seen...

They watch me suffer as I chain myself to my rules...My code...of honor.

I feel the laughter in the darkness come near my half frozen body...

"A monster with honor...Death was all you deserved in the first place."

  I can only turn my grey eye's once more to the heaven's angel's reaching for me.

I close my sleepless eye's in dissolving strength.

But my light will not die...And this curse is my guiding light.

                     This was a night I spent mourning lost love.

8:48 AM - 9 Comments - 11 Kudos - Add Comment

A Poem for a Godess...
Current mood: amorous

Have you seen her? Amberglis containing light, hunny suckle lip's.

If dying would be a great adventure....Love would be an Odyssey.

As second's pass petal's of my heart fall away and rip's.

Her pale illuminated body tear's through my mind endlessley.

I stand in the shadow's of the night, the wind and snow my heart.

Yet my amber love comes back to warm me in the night.

Lost kisses on the wind, I reach out with cold finger's.

How I wonder the street's....

As the citizen's sleep's....

As my half a heart weep's...

To be complete.

I love you Brenda. This is the first poem I've shared with this large of an audience. I hope you enjoyed my hopless romantic word's...

5:17 AM - 2 Comments - 1 Kudos - Add Comment

Nightmares...
Current mood: sad
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural

 Here it is... ever wondered what goes on in my Chaotic mind?  I'll give you a peek... The first Nightmare goes like this...

1. The Man...

...I'm standing in a field of roses.  They goes for miles oer an endless plain... Just roses so red they make you sigh. My mother is a great distance away sitting in a dress with her back to me. She warns me..."Don't get lost in the roses Sebastiano...and be brave". She smiles kindly and let's me go. So there I am standing in the soft gentle breeze of the plain of roses when...A man appears. He could be a good man but I don't have enough time to tell...He walks up to my mother from behind. I reach out, and...-I wake up screaming.

2. The Last Kiss...

 I am a man...No real family, yet... I am happy. I live in (What I believe to be) San Franscisco.  I go to a market place and I'm looking around lonely. I walk by a fruit tent and there she is... Black hair green eye's...that's all I remember. (I've tried to picture her face but it's blurred).  We look at each other both surprised and shocked. She blushes and I laugh nervously. I try to wave but as I raise my hand it hits the roof of one of the market tents and a pocket of water rolls on to my head...I'm drenched and embarrased, I turn annd start walking away when, A gentlehand tugs on my sleeve. I turn angrily but stop soon as I see who it is. It's her... She smiles kindly, hands me something quickly and runs away. I go home to my apartment and throw my wet clothes into the dryer. I look outside my long-curtained balcony and and sigh. The moon is shining over the night sky. I turn and lay on the couch with a loosely done shirt and black pants, with no socks on. I look at the paper in front of me on the living room table and jump up . "I forgot she handed me something didn't she?". I walk over to it and look at the piece of paper. My heart leaps, a phone nuber. My heart beats furiously as I punch in the number. "Hello?" A soft caramel voice says?. "Oh...hey um...I met you today at the market...you know...the whole water falling on my head part?". The woman laughs like crystal bells, and retorts "Hahaha Yeah that was so cute you waved and then...slash!". I laugh with her and I feel more comfortable. "Well you know I'm a strong swimmer." I say with a grin. The woman laughs some more and we talk...(The next part is blurry but I remember we start hanging out and dating...until the next full moon). So as I am holding hands with her I start to remember...The dancing, laughing, drinking wine, holding hands, but never a kiss.  I ask her back to my place after one of our nights in the town, she smiles and nods. We get to my apartment where she immediately goes to the balcony "wow...look at the view...the moon!". I walk up behind her and hold her in my arms, she rests her head against my chest and sighs. "You know..." She whispers looking up at me, "I can't remember being so...". I turn her towards me, "...Happy?" I finish for her. Her green piercing eye's look up at me as she bites her lips. "Yeah...happy". She closes her eye's and leans in for what would've been a breath taking kiss accept for one thing...As she leans in to give me a kiss, and as I relax into her, and as our lips meet finally, Her eye's snap open and she pulls away screaming. She points at me with an accusing finger and screams again. But as I try to bring her back to me with tears of sorrow in my eye's...she disappears...-I wake up sweating and start to cry.

3. The 3 Children...

I'm on a beach...But everything is grey...The sky ...grey with clouds...A strong wind washes over everything into a blur...But the sea...the sea is black...I walk along the black sea on the grey sand slowly looking into it...the sea is as black as night...and I think I see someone...A man, very far away...A blur in the sand and wind...and then he disapears into the rocky cliffs surrounding the beach...As I walk towards the sea to touch the water I hear laughter...I hear children laughing...it came from the opposite direction where the man had been. I turn around...And I see them...three children. They all are wearing (What my mother later told me was) Communion clothes. three girl's...They were all Blonde and happy, dressed in dresses of white lace with veils over their faces. They would run to the edge of the water and as the tide would come back in they would laugh and and run back to the safety of the sand...I sigh and smile "Are you guy's having fun?" I ask. They stop playing and stare at me, I stop smiling. I can't see their faces but I can feel their eye's boring into me. Like I was not a stranger...but someone they hoped would not come. "I'm okay! I'm no boogey man!" I say with a gentle smile, "I-". But I can't say anymore. because As I spoke the three girl's joined hand's and the second they joined, I could move no further...I was frozen. Then I started to notice something. Everthing was moving slower...The sea's waves were all slowed down, also the wind passing through the dresses of the girl's dresses seemed to lazily pass. Then in the same slow manner that everything else was moving they started to skip...slowly skip by me toward the direction the man had been standing...toward the rocky cliff's.  The next part is strange, because as I stand there petrified (I can't see or hear the girl's anymore because they passed me), I hear something in the sea, among the waves...whisper's. I stand there listening in my petrified state and hear only the same thing's being repeated in the Black Sea (This is to the best of my memory-sorry), The Man...Blood...needs one more...Then I hear it...normal wind, normal waves, time has gone back to normal...I move my finger's and then move. I look toward the sea with fear, had it really spoken? I look for a moment then realize where the children were heading. I spin around to see the man dressed in Black ushering the children to the rocky cliff side. There far away, but I run. I see red for a moment and then I see a red power inside myself, I embrace it. When I open my eye's as I'm running I notice everything is moving slower and that I see everything in red, except the sea...the sea is still Black. As I round on to the cliff side I see a slope of giant rocks with many formed caves.(My eye's and time are normal again)  I start to climb up the cliff stopping to peer in every cave I come by...Then as I'm about to pass another cave, I feel a cold winter wind whisper out of the cave...I stop and look inside, My eye's tear up. There in the corner of  of the cave as if they were discarded trash, are the three children...Covered in blood...none of them are breathing. As I start to cry, I hear a noise next to my on my right side, I turn to look. The man was there. He wore a ragged cloak with a large hood. I sneer in anger and am about to lunge at him when I feel a sharp pain at my left side...Then a warm trickle starts to flow down my side, I'm bleeding. I look down to see a Knife in my side I look up at the man he's pulling out a bottle with blood in it. I hear the sea crashing against the cliff, "Jump away!" I let go as the man tries to grab me, as I fall I hear a roar of anger...maybe it was the man...maybe it was the sea...-I wake up panting holding my left side-(I'm either holding my side or crying)

4. Unforgivable...

It's hot...such heat as you cannot imagine. I open my eye's to a dimly lit room of stone. "A dungeon" I realize as I notice my arm's are chained above my head with shackles around my wrist's. I start to panic as I look around, I see a giant four poster bed with red satin sheet's and plush gold laced pillow's. Drawn around the bed are black translucent curtain's. My eye's are torn away as I see the fire place at the foot of the bed, it's massive. A giant black iron grate surround's the fire place, casting teeth like shadow's cross the room. As I start to tug the chain's to see if I can break them I hear a noise to toward the back of the room, I turn my head and see a stone spiral staircase adorned with grey gargoyle head's and dark portrait's of a man...I can't put my finger on it but I know that man's face on the portrait's...The noise, I realize, is the slow steady fall of footstep's. As a shadow falls on the wall of the stair's...I see him.  He wear's nothing but a red silk robe with a long tail of silk dragging on the floor. Under his arm is a naked girl with her hair in her face so I can't identify her. As he step's through the shadow's of the stone dungeon he walk's toward the light of the giant bed. He flips the girl's body on the bed with a careless toss. I see her face and my stomach turns. The woman I love lies unconcious on the bed.  As the man strips out of his robe naked, I see his face as well, My Father. My eye's grow wide with disgust and hate as he gently strokes he body awake. She rises from her sleep and looks up at my Father  and scream's. I roar with rage as he pins her arm's down and forces her leg's open with his leg's. He start's to laugh and then thrust's into her, her body shudder's and she scream's with more pain. He laughter ring's throughout the dungeon as he contnues to pound into her fragile body. She's crying and I can see a liquid pooling around her body...Blood. I scream for him to stop as I pull against my chain's. She cries for me and my father goes faster, as he continues his rape of my love the fire burning low in the grate of the fireplace roar's to life. They're bodies start to sweat, beaded drop's of sweat drip from their bodies. Then as my father halt's his thrusting he grab's her face and forces her to kiss him. Fire passes into her mouth and into her body, she moans with pleasure. My father looks up at me as she claws at his chest for more and smiles. My Father laughs at me as he thrust's into my Love, my Father laugh's at me as she thrust's back in exstacy, My Father laughs as she trembles in pleasure as they come together...My Father looks at me and I learn hatered that no man had felt before. I rip the chain's from the wall as my vision goes red. He laugh's as I rip apart the bodies of both him and my Love. I kill them both and fall to my knees covered in blood and fluid...I -I wake up screaming and crying (or am woken up by a friend or family member)- (I have this dream whenever I fall in love and am afraid she will leave me).

4:07 AM - 21 Comments - 16 Kudos - Add Comment